| Happy Xandermas to all! |
[14 Sep 2009|08:18am] |
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music |
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Six Ft. Under by No Doubt |
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Today is my birthday
And I get one every year
And someday
It's hard to believe
but I'll be buried six feet underground
I'll be dead and gone;
no longer around
I'll be buried six feet underground
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| What I've been up to. . . |
[15 Aug 2009|12:29am] |
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mood |
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 happy |
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music |
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The Jeffersons Theme |
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in my last entry I mentioned I had moved back to The County with my mom for a while. I didn't think I would like it, but I've prayed about it and so many opportunities have become apparent for me. I really think Fayetteville was never really the true plan for me to begin with. Since I've been home, I've found a university that will transfer most of my credits and I can graduate sooner with the kind of minors I'm interested in to support my study of literature with focuses in mythology and religion. . . and do it for free. I also finally found a job where I can teach entire classes of students how to read proficiently and express themselves adequately in writing and get paid quite well for it. Not to mention I get to see my family for often. I've never considered how lonely my mother is, how frail my grandparents are and how close my family is. It's nice to be a part of that again.
It's odd. . . I haven't felt this way in such a long time. I finally feel like I'm accomplishing something and getting somewhere. I had been so depressed and so dependent on so many things for so long. I've been med-free for nine months now and down to half a pack of cigarettes per week and I daresay I feel "happy". I just hope it lasts.
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| This is Life. . . or something like it anyway |
[06 Jul 2009|10:38pm] |
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mood |
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So. . . I went home to visit my family over Independence Day after the first summer session of school was over. My mother broke the news to me that due to all the legal crap about my dad's life insurance and the class-action suit against the company he was working for, most of her assets and retirement funds and the like are all tied up -- and will be for a while. That means she is in danger of losing the house and is struggling for money. Since she did that whole birthing and rearing thing (not to mention all the money she's used to bail me out of situations or money she loaned "friends" of mine who never bothered to pay her back) I offered to move back home for a while, get a job, and help out for a while. I don't mind doing it; I love my mom and that's what family does for each other. I'm just so frustrated, because I was finally back in school and it was actually going well for me. Not to mention I'm only a semester away from my undergrad degree. This means I'm stuck back in the county. . . indefinitely. I hope this all works out for the best. Pray for me or whatever it is you do if you don't pray.
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| April is the cruelest month, breeding lilacs out of the dead land. . . |
[08 Apr 2009|10:26am] |
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mood |
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 giddy |
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music |
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"So Far Away" - Carol King |
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Upon being cut lose from two sandbags in my life, and really getting a fresh start in a new environmnet, I feel like a happy human being. Things are finally starting to get back on track for me as this semester closes to an end. It hasn't been easy by any means, and I'm just now getting back into the groove of scholastic life, but at least I'm hanging in there and getting it done. I'm getting to spend time with new people who think a lot more like I do and share my interests. People who can show me something new. New people are good. They can show me something I haven't seen or thought of before. And that's all I want out of life right now -- to be shown something new everyday so I can rest assured that it's not all been done.
I've been enjoying keeping life simple lately. I met a guy recently. He's another writer and we've hit it off rather well with remarkable similarites in our idiosyncracies. So my days have come to consist of going to school, studying, and meeting up with Mike for a quiet evening at home watching movies and talking about whatever odd things strike our fancy at the moment. It's so calm and non-dramatic. I like it.
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| lonesome |
[06 Dec 2008|10:04pm] |
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mood |
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 depressed |
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I haven't posted on here in ages and probably should. I think the last post I made on here was nearly a year ago when my dad died. So many things have changed and changed again since then. . . I pretty much destroyed my life and am just now getting a good hold on putting things back together.
I just don't know what to do with myself these days. I have nothing to do. . . no school, no job, no nothing. I live with excellent people who truly care for me, but they are all busy with their own lives. To top it all off, my best friend in the world seems to avoid me like the plague. They're not rude and we're on good terms -- i just think I've hurt that person too much. I just wish they would take the time to get to know the new person I am becoming, because I think they would really like this new Alex. I can only hope that we can get to know each other again and I can have the chance to handle their heart with much more care. I so desperately do not want to lose that person.
But as for now, it is all me. I need to find new people. I need to restore damaged connections I have with the people I already know and love. I'm in such an involved process or changing things, i just don't know where to go. A large part of me wants to pick up, move away and start completely over so i don't have to live constantly reminded of a dead past where i was not making wise decisions. Another large pat does not want to run away from my problems.
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[19 Feb 2008|09:45pm] |
To all those I haven't gotten to talk to yet:
My dad passed away last night. I thought my friends would like to know this. I need you guys right now, so I would appreciate it if you make sure other friends of mine are in the know, too. Please keep my family in your thoughts, prayers, or however else you may practice -- it really means a lot.
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[22 Oct 2007|06:52pm] |
It's true. Rowling just announced it at a reading. I don't know if I'm out of the loop on this one as I'm rarely on the internet and haven't watched TV in God knows how long. But the last book makes soooo much more since now. I'm impressed -- she's such a wonderfully sneaky storyteller
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[26 Jun 2007|09:56am] |
so things have been interesting around here to say the least. i've been hanging out with French people my own age lately, which is nice. it also means i've added a lot of cool slang to my french vocabulary. One of them was the guy who randomly kissed me -- he saw me at a bar later and actually remembered my name. he's not gay -- apparently here it's more amusing than shocking to see a guy kiss another guy. i've also been hanging out with some cool smoker med students i was introduced to.
there's also another person i met lately. i met a guy who is the bartender for the local all-male sex dungeon! i had to go there one time out of curiosity, because i thought it was simply a gay bar. i walked in and there were a few people around, but nothing exciting for a saturday night. i asked the bartender why it was so boring and he asked if i had been downstairs yet. i told him i had not so he told me to follow him. he led me down to the basement floor. it was insane: there were people going at it everywhere with all kinds of equipment. this place had sex-swings attached to the ceiling, chaings on the walls, stocks on the floor, and a whole lot more. But i digress. The bartender, Gilles, asked me out :D
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[20 Jun 2007|12:01am] |
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mood |
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 mischievous |
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i just gave a very hot, very drunk, french guy a birthday kiss, simply because he asked. he was a total stranger -- that's a new one for me
i think ill go to sleep now before i feel lonley again
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[16 Jun 2007|05:29pm] |
all the anglophones here have begun to adopt "franglais" as their tongue of choice. rather than sticking with one language or another we just through together whichever word or grammatical structure comes to mind first
here are some of my favorites
Are you "sortiring" ce soir = are you going out tonight
mot on the rue is . . . = word on the street is. . .
i "perdued" it = i lost it
Last night i went barhopping for the first time -- there are so many irish pubs in france. i went out at nine and 4 pints of guiness, an irish coffe, and 2 long island ice teas later i found myself with random british people and my roomate at a seedy nightclub screaming "hold on to your knickers girls!" After that i lost my group and had to return home wandering home alone on the streets of besançon at the wee hours of the morning. on the way a random drunken vagrant asked me for a cigarette i didn't have. he didnt believe grabbed my arm and wouldnt let go. i asked him to stop -- once in french and once in english. he persisted and started yelling at me so i took the wad of keys in my hand and struck him across the face as hard as i could. i then proceeded home as quickly as possible, bid the neighborhood prostitutes good night and went to bed.
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| a good story from the swiss border |
[11 Jun 2007|01:28pm] |
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yesterday i went to vistited a castle on to the french/swiss border. it was huge and beautiful and had been there since the Crusades. The tour guide led us into the oubliette beneath the castle where apparently one of its previous owners had imprisoned his wife. He left her there whilst he joined one of the crusades. According to the story, while he was away a wounded knight happened upon the castle and the woman took him in. As he healed they became lovers. When the husband returned he imprisoned the wife in the oubliette and hanged her lover; the only access to daylight she had came from a small window that permitted her only the view of the rotting corpse of her lover on the gallows. she did not last long in the oubliette; people say she died of a broken heart.
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| BONJOUR! |
[04 Jun 2007|01:54pm] |
ok. so alex is en france! here is a flash of my experience thus far:
tiny plane=scary
5hrs in Bush international=boring
all night flight sandwiched between old german ladies
losing all sense of time
5 hr bus ride from airport to Besancon all through farmland=boring
go home w/host= crazy fun dinner party with a booze loving, chain smoking, french hippie
meet housemate= sarcastic fun w/ a Daria from Penn State
placement exams= hrs of boring and tedious work
lunch=lost in a medieval city; discovered grove of insanely old, and thus gigantanormous,sycamores
. . . and now im off for more an oral placement exam. more l8r.
Excuse the sloppy typing; the keyboards are crazy here.
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| *SQUEE* |
[05 Mar 2007|11:33am] |
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It's official. At the very least, for one month, Alex will be living in France this summer!
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| A MEMO |
[25 Jan 2007|01:56am] |
Dear Life and The World,
I very much hate being right now. Really, it is beginning to be quite uncomfortable. Would you please be so kind as to sedate me? And, if you could also do me the kindness of waking me up once it's all better, that would be great, too. Sorry for the short-notice.
All the best,
Alex
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| FINALLY |
[29 Sep 2005|11:06pm] |
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I actually succeeded at getting my tonuge pierced today. Pictures are coming to this page sometime soonish. . . Now I just have to tell my parents and hope they cope and don't try to string me up and eat my flesh. *meep*
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[28 Sep 2005|12:59pm] |
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*Grumble grumble* Apparently all tattoo parlors in this damned city aren't open on Mondays and close at 8:00pm. What the hell is that all about. It's an effing tatto parlor, it's supposed to stay open late! *sighs* Perhaps today. . .
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[01 Aug 2005|11:55pm] |
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mood |
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friendly |
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[01 Aug 2005|09:22pm] |
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mood |
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INFP - the Healer
You scored 9% I to E, 21% N to S, 38% F to T, and 57% J to P! |
You are more introverted than extroverted. You are more intuitive than observant, you are more feeling based than thinking based, and you prefer to go with the flow rather than having a plan. Your type can best be summarized by the word "Healer", which belongs to the larger group of idealists. You have a capacity for caring that is deeper than most. You strive for unity, are fascinated by the battles between good and evil, and can be something of an idealist. Only 1% of the population shares your type.
As a romantic partner, you are usually supportive and nuturing, however, you have a high need for individuality. Harmony is extremely important to you as you are very affected by conflict and tension, which also makes you resist confronting your partner directly about problems. When you get angry, you usually blame yourself, rather than your partner. You can also be stubborn and unyielding when you feel you are being criticized or mistreated. You feel the most appreciated when your partner listens to you carefully. You need to be understood. You need to hear your partner express their feelings, the more often, the better. Your group summary: idealists (NF)
Your type summary: INFP
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My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
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You scored higher than 9% on I to E |
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You scored higher than 15% on N to S |
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You scored higher than 35% on F to T |
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You scored higher than 61% on J to P |
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| THINGS |
[12 Jul 2005|07:42pm] |
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mood |
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 nerdy |
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music |
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"Let's Go Find the Cat" by Grand Buffet |
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Pwnfest at Shivani's was a blast, although it made me re- realize exactly how boring and lonely my life is at home.
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I am now officially a poor indebted college student. I accepted my Stafford Loan from U of A. Fortunately, though, it's subsidized, which means the government is willing to pay the interest on the loan so long as I pay the principal base fee of $2600/year. I guess it's more of a semi-grant/scholarship thing than a loan really, because you have to meet certain academic and financial standards to get one. Hopefully, this will be the only year I need to use the loan if I can A.) get more scholarships or B.) work as an RA my last few years. Unfortunately, it's looking like all that beautiful-shiny-wondermous graduation wealth is going towards paying off my loan *ick*
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Also, it's looking like it's going storm some more. I hope so. I miss all the wonderfulness of the rain, espcially summer storms, so that it's still all warm, but it's so dark and beautiful with big fat drops of water and huge thunder claps and lightning flashing about in the clouds.
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[02 Jun 2005|08:49pm] |
SADNESS: We buried my Uncle Harvey today. He wasn't really my uncle, but a close family friend. But still, it's sad.
DEATH: I've been thinking about that a lot, especially with Harvey's death. I realized I'm more scared of it than I thought. I suppose one of my biggest fears is there being nothing after physical life, no ultimate consciousness, no reincarnation, no heaven or hell --- just simply oblivion. My biggest fear is not existing, or even to lose all that I am, my entire identity to the Greater Consciousness That Is.
JOB: I still don't have one. Ugh. I think I'm going to allocate a car tomorrow and check out some temp agencies (thanks, Weenie, that was a good idea).
CLASS: I'm taking an American National Government class starting Monday. I just registered for it today. I hope it will at least be mildly interesting.
WORKING OUT: Yup. I've been doing a lot of that lately. I gained like 15 pounds just in the last two months or so of school, not to mention what I seemed to gain throughout the year. I used to be REALLY pudgy in junior high and early in high school, so I'm scared of looking like that again. So, in order to prevent that from happening I've taken to a daily regiment of jogging, jump rope, stomach cruches, pull-ups, and push-ups. I've been working on flexibility, too. I used to be able to do the splits. Heh. There's NO WAY I can do that anymore -- but I'm working on it.
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